I wish, I sincerely wish, the world would work according to the plan I have in my head. I have discovered that rarely happens. Surprise!
My original plan was to post once a week. Then it was once a month. It has been a month and a half since my last post. Crap! This is not the vision I’ve had for my blog. It is supposed to be smooth, insightful, timely, and of great use to those who are trying to find their way in this craziness called life. Laugh, snort, laugh some more, snort until I choke.
You wanna know what I’ve discovered about life? You wanna know the great, big, huge, mystical, life-affirming, clear, path-of-destiny wonderism that I have realized in my journey to happiness? Well, here it is. Get yourself a cup of green tea, settle in, focus, and prepare to be amazed. I have the ultimate truth.
Life turns on a dime.
Yep. That’s it.
One day I was I was continuing to make up stories about how wonderful my life was with a man I was magically thinking was great. The next I realized what a fairy tale I had conjured up, had lived with for 15 years, and just how unhappy I was (to the tune of 200 pounds).
One day I was thinking about how I couldn’t possibly do anything more than I was already doing. Which was working on the computer in the back room of my house, doing bodywork treatments one day a week, eating everything I could think of (and what I couldn’t think of; that’s called mindless eating or “food amnesia”), and sitting on the sofa, watching tv every night, and drinking. What a seriously glamorous and wondrous life that was.
One day I was thinking that, “This is just how life is. Being middle-aged means weight gain, means exhaustion, means a low libido.” Of course, I didn’t have all those thoughts all the time. They would just flit through my brain like birds on their way to another destination.
The next day everything changed.
I had an experience where someone I knew briefly and peripherally looked at me like I was desirable. Wow. I weighed the most I have ever weighed in my life and he looked at me like I was beautiful. This man was not my husband. This man was a catalyst, and I doubt very seriously that he even knows what he did for me. And for that, I thank him.
Shortly thereafter, I came home and realized that my husband didn’t look at me like I was a woman. He didn’t even look at me like I was a human being. No one should ever, EVER, be with someone like that.
It was just that simple. All the tears, all the anguish, all the “Let’s try this to see if he’ll pay attention to me” antics I did. Just. Simply. Stopped.
What started was, “How do I want to live my life?”
It is as simple as that.
It was as simple as the difference between one day in October, 2012, and the next.
Life turns on a dime.